Best 10 Ways to Kill Your Massage Business

they call it "deep tissue" I call it a joke.On a suicide mission?

Here’s how you make sure your business won’t survive 2012:

10: Give massages like in this picture and call them “deep tissue”. If you are strong enough to make it work for your clients, you will eventually develop arthritis, tendinitis and other problems that will ruin your career. It’s a slow way, but proven to work.

9: Tell clients that your method is the best thing ever, and if it doesn’t work, it must be the client’s fault.

8. Speak in dismissive tones about your coworkers and colleagues.

7. Aggressively sell supplements and lotions, or other health related products. If using massage sessions for your pitches isn’t enough, try recruiting colleagues for multi-level-marketing schemes. Over time, that will surely ruin your reputation as a respectable bodyworker.

6. Talk about your health issues, especially something contagious that you can’t get rid of. It could also be useful to share graphic details about how dysfunctional your family really is.

5. Don’t listen to your voicemail, and ignore emails.

4. Reschedule appointments when some better way to spend the day comes up.

3. Hurt people deliberately and tell them that’s what they need in order to get better. Make fun of clients when they ask you to ease off.

2. Show up a few minutes late for every appointment and blame it on other people or traffic.

And the number one way to kill your massage business: Talk constantly throughout the session.

Massage therapists, massage clients: what would you add to this list? What’s the worst thing a therapist can do?

7 thoughts on “Best 10 Ways to Kill Your Massage Business

  1. One time, a therapist talked throughout the session about this “male encounter group” he was going to and really liked and kept trying to get me to go. I told him I didn’t really think it was my thing. His reply to me was, “I understand. Many people are afraid to really look at themselves.” Aside from being insulting to anyone, I’m a psychologist who is definitely NOT afraid to look at myself. I didn’t go back.

  2. LOL @ MSM you’re right. That’s what I used to do when I was in Germany. Then I opened a business here and started doing the same thing… just with more people. It was like a non-profit to benefit massage therapists, because they sure got paid. I kept pushing money into the business… and I’m really lucky that in the long run, it worked.

    Dr.Dave: That’s CRAZY!

  3. I just have an addendum to #8: Bitch out your employees, colleagues or coworkers for mistakes they made in front of the patient.
    Also a good one: Make promises toward treatment results you can’t keep.
    And as bad as droning on about yourself: Quiz patients incessantly about random details of their lives.
    Ev adds to that list: As men undress, make the following comment: “Ah, that reminds me, I need to buy baby carrots…”

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